"Skeletons"

Okay, I've got to address this issue.  The Calc-Sympathizers are claiming that Calcs are really just human remains, or "skeletons," that have been re-animated by greater forces.  While on one hand, this makes some degree of sense and explains why they look so much like us.  On the other, it in no way explains why the Calcs are such magnificent assholes.

Sure, I've known assholes.  I've been one from time to time.  And I'm pretty sure that son of a bitch Calaveras is a Secret Calc.  But constantly hoarding gold for no good reason?  Hanging around in dungeons where nobody in their right mind would go?  Those just aren't the kind of things dead humans would do.  And people wear CLOTHES, not just furred boots.

No, the Calcs are a totally different race.  They do their own, terrible, thing and they answer to the call of the Bone Bitch (I've never understood that name, but that's what the other Adventurers call it.  [I understand the "Bitch" part]).

I don't know, these guys just don't understand the clanky sons of bitches like I do.

The Bone Beast

I finally met the Bone Beast today. I'd heard about it from other Adventurers but I never really gave it a thought. The thing is enormous, about the size of a semi truck. It's just a mass of Calcoid parts, all jumbled together. When it needs legs, it forms legs; when it needs arms, it makes arms. It's hard to just watch the thing without going crazy.

Then I heard the music, if you can call it that. My ears have been numb to normal sound since my days as bass player for "Ample Supply of Rusted and Disappointing Loot." (We rocked but there wasn't really a market for a band that sang about being disappointed back then. Maybe we could start it up now). Matthews described it as "atonal, flute-like, unearthly music," before he ran off. All I know is what I saw terrified me.

People who were listening to the "song" were doing just like the other guys said, immediately turning into Calcs. The goddamned clanky sons of bitches were just leaping out of the skin of the these people. And they just started dancing to the "song," like they didn't have a care in the world. It creeped the hell out of me.

I, well, I ran too. Too many Clankers.