Dearest Mr. Sawbones,
Mr. Burton would like to thank you for your interest in his work. Tim takes his connections with the darkened people amongst our younger citizens very seriously. After all, it can be a big, confusing world where our kind is easily or intentionally misunderstood. Just look at how much sunlight there is on any given day, and consider our easily our porcelain skin would scorch beneath its loathsome rays. Unfortunately, it seems only we chosen few shall understand the true dark and dangerous whimsy of this earth during our short time here.
Enclosed please find one (1) ten dollar gift certificate to your local Hot Topic store and one (1) limited edition print of Tim's character design for Ringo Grover, the main character of Mr. Burton's upcoming animated feature film Rock and Roll Them Bones. Knowing how much his fans enjoyed Johnny Depp's amazingly powerful singing voice in his adaptation of Sweeney Todd, Tim has again cast his friend in the role of Ringo Grover, a down-on-his-luck skeleton with dreams of becoming a rock star. Rock and Roll Them Bones, in theaters this Halloween! Featuring guest artists Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Prussian Blue!
With Most Sincere Regards,
Mrs. Judith Mason
Secretary of Mr. Burton
GOD-DAMMIT. WHAT THE HELL. A FORM LETTER? ALL I GET IS A FORM LETTER? And get a load of this:
Has that jackass ever even SEEN a Calc? This looks like a God-damned gray alien that fell into its sister's makeup kit.
God-dammit.
2 comments:
That movie sounds horrifying! I trust you intend to protest its opening.
Well, you know how it is out on the west coast. If you try to protest something because of its portrayal of Calcs then suddenly you're a fascist enemy of free speech.
I mean, it's a damn stupid way of looking at it, but that's how those Hollywood types think.
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