Sunday, May 25, 2008

Some Q & A

Seeing as it's a Sunday, and I'm already awake, I figure I will take some time to answer some questions I have been getting from readers.

Q: Have you ever got any worthwhile loot from calc hunting?

A: Well, this depends on your definition of worthwhile. Have I found any caches of gold? No. Have I found anything worth keeping for myself? Once.

You see, when I first started hunting calcs, I carried a sledgehammer with me. In my youth I saw only how awesome it would look smashing through a Calc's skull, and reducing it to powder. And boy, did it! I hadn't, however, considered how heavy and inconvenient it would be.

Luckily for me, not far into my career, I happened upon a Calc dungeon.

After an hour or so of cleaning it out, I saw an old wooden treasure chest.

"Finally," I thought, "I have found one of these caches of gold the Calcs are said to horde."

I eagerly opened the chest and my excitement quickly turned to anger.

"What kind of asshole puts a baseball bat in a treasure chest?"

Well, I resolved that I would use this "treasure" of theirs to kill as many of them as I possibly could.

Needless to say, it quickly proved itself a worthy weapon, and replaced my hammer.

Looking back, it was the best treasure I have ever found.

And to those who wonder why I continue despite the fact that Calc hunting barely produces enough loot to pay the rent, I will just say killing Calcs is its own reward.

I may answer some more questions soon. For now, I am going to have some breakfast and give the ol' dirtbike a well-deserved oil change and tune-up.

2 comments:

K said...

I have a question, and I hope that your experience is such that you will be able to provide me with an answer.

The family dog is getting on in years, and we are worried that when she passes on, she will be raised up after death to become a calc-hound. Is this a reasonable fear? We know the local vet recommends cremation; is this because of reanimation concerns, or is he merely in league with the local crematorium?

Jonesy Sawbones said...

One thing I can say about Calc-Hounds is that they yield even shittier loot than regular Calcs. I once tried to sell a (what I thought was) weathered Orb of Wisdom at the shop, but Tony said it was just an old baseball. Then he threw it at me.

And if there's any question of someone turning your dog into a Calc-hound, I'd follow the advice of the vet. He sounds like he knows what he's doing. If he's not in league with the local crematorium, he should be.